I didn’t expect a book to hit this hard. But How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera wasn’t just something I read, it became something I worked through. This book helped me start healing in ways I didn’t even know I needed. I’ve always considered myself someone who reflects a lot, but this book pushed me to go deeper. Much deeper.
What stood out most were the questions at the end of each chapter. They weren’t your typical “think about this” kind of prompts. They were real, sometimes uncomfortable, and always honest. I’d find myself staring at a page thinking, “Do I really want to go there?” And then I would. And that’s where the growth happened.
Some of the reflections brought tears. Others brought relief. Many brought clarity.
Patterns, Triggers, and That Voice in My Head
LePera’s breakdown of childhood conditioning, trauma bonds, emotional addiction, and the inner child made things click for me. I started to see how old patterns were still playing out in my relationships, in my thoughts, and in the way I react to stress.
I tend to overthink, catastrophize, and replay situations in my mind over and over. This book helped me see that those habits weren’t just quirks, they were coping mechanisms. Protective strategies and most importantly, they were things I could actually shift with awareness and intention.
The Journal Became a Lifeline
I kept a journal next to me as I read each chapter. I wasn’t just underlining things (though I did a lot of that too); I was answering the questions, processing my responses, and starting to untangle the stories I had carried for years.
Prompts like:
- “What beliefs about yourself did you inherit from your caregivers?”
- “Where are you abandoning yourself in order to be accepted?”
- “What would it look like to give yourself permission to feel safe?”
…these were more than exercises. They opened doors. Some I didn’t even know were closed.
Not Just for Therapists, Coaches, or Leaders
You don’t need to be in a helping profession or leadership role to benefit from this book. You just need to be ready or even curious about healing. LePera doesn’t sugarcoat it. Healing is not easy or quick. But her writing is clear, compassionate, and based in both research and lived experience. She gives examples from her own life that make the process feel human and relatable.
Final Thoughts
How to Do the Work is the kind of book that can be read slowly, with a pen in hand and a quiet room. It’s also one you’ll probably return to, especially as your awareness grows.
I recommend it to anyone who:
- Feels stuck in emotional loops or unhealthy relationships
- Wants to understand themselves better
- Is ready to start journaling with purpose
- Is curious about trauma, self-worth, boundaries, or identity
- Just wants to feel a little less alone
For me, this book came at the right time and I’m really glad I was willing to do the work.
About the Author
Spike Cook, Ed.D., Principal, RM Bacon Elementary, Millville, NJ. In addition to being a Principal, Dr. Cook published two books through Corwin Press (Connected Leadership: It’s Just a Click Away; Breaking Out of Isolation: Becoming a Connected School Leader). He is the co-host of the popular PrincipaPLN podcast and a regular on the Unlock the Middle Videocast. His blog, Insights Into Learning, was recognized as a finalist for Best Administrator Blog by the EduBlog Awards. Spike earned his Doctorate from Rowan University and is an Adjunct Faculty member in the Masters of School Administration Program He is featured in Twinkl’s 30 Education Influencers You Need to Follow and Klear’s Top Ten Middle School Influencers. Dr. Cook is also on the Education Advisory Board for Whole Health Ed. Connect with @drspikecook via Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook or Instagram.
Spike Cook
In an age where social media platforms dominate our digital landscape, taking a step back from the constant scroll can feel like a radical act of self-care. Recently, I embarked on a month-long hiatus from TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, eager to reclaim my time and attention from the grips of algorithmic feeds. It was right after I turned 50, and was done with purpose and intention to see what the world would look like without this constant scrolling. What ensued was not only a personal journey of introspection but also a fascinating observation of the digital ecosystem that surrounds us.
I am not sure how many times I have written a “welcome back” post for my blog, but here goes another one! After a brief hiatus, (was it really November of 2021 when I last blogged?) I am thrilled to dust off the keyboard and get back to blogging. It feels invigorating to resume my journey of discovery, discussion, and inspiration in the realm of education.
